The Elite Daily posted an article titled, “Untamable Women: Why Some Women Need Adventure, Not A Partner”. After reading the article I had a combination of mixed feelings and ended up positing a reply* where I asked the author to re-frame the idea and tradition of marriage to fit the untamable women, and idealize a marriage or life partnership that would work for us bad-ass, independent, sassy chick types.
Realizing the chances of the author doing this, I decided to take it upon myself to accept my own challenge and so without further a due here is:
The Fiercely Independent, Self-Respecting, Successful, Adventure-Loving Woman and the Partner She is On The Look Out For.
The fiercely independent, self-respecting, successful, adventure-loving woman is not for everyone. She is a handful, exhausting and frustrating- but she gets away with it because she is genuine, good-intentioned and more often than not a blast to be around. She is a ball of complexity and at times feels like she is pulling herself in 20,000 different directions. As cheesy as it sounds (which is fine because who doesn’t love cheese), one of the most important things for her is remaining true to herself, her wants and needs that keep her soul alive, happy and well.
She is not concerned with people’s thoughts and opinions on her life, unless of course, she asks for your opinion in which she wants you to be constructively honest. Much like the honey badger, she doesn’t give a shit whose talking about her, because chances are she’s not talking about you; she’s too busy for that nonsense.
She is not opposed to having a relationship, but she’s not going to have one just for the sake of having one, that is immature and an inconvenience. She is on the lookout for a quality human counterpart who is confident, understands and appreciates her for who she is.
She’s Independent and her partner must respect that.
If she viewed marriage as being bound to someone, she would never get married. Her ideal partner is someone who understands that she needs time alone and may want to have a weekend or week getaway by herself. They will also respect the time that she spends with her friends and family as they are just as important to her as he/she is.
She will answer your questions, but you may not like the answer.
Feel free to ask her whatever you want, just don’t have any expectations about the answer. Her answers will be truthful and therefore may be painful. She would rather hurt you with the truth than give you fake happiness with a lie. She expects the same from you.
She’s a mix of stabilized chaos, or chaotic stability.
She doesn’t know, you don’t know and it is best to not try to figure it out. When she has been out traveling for weeks or months on end she is craving a home to call hers. When she’s been at home for too long she can hear the wind calling her to drop everything and follow. It is a constant ebb and flow and she doesn’t know why she’s like this. Sometimes she loves it and other days she doesn’t. Love her for her and when she looks at you and tells you she wants to go somewhere don’t look at her like she’s crazy.
It’s not that she’s not ready to grow up, she’s just never going to conform
Traditional, conventional and obedient will not be words used to describe her. The idea of growing up and conforming are used synonymously in our society and that is a mistake. Growing up is taking responsibility for one’s self, which she does, and being self-sustainable, which she is. Something that she won’t do is fall into societal sync because that is just crazy and she thinks the whole idea of “settling down” is just that, settling.
She doesn’t live and die by her schedule
If she is planning to go to the gym after work but something else comes up that peaks her interest more, she’s going to go do it. If she wants to eat at five then that is when dinner is going to be ready. If you’re important to her then she’ll let you know what she’s doing, but hopefully you’re grown enough to fend for yourself and make your own meal. On a larger scale, she has an idea of the life she wants to lead, but instead of a having a year-by-year plan she has goals. She understands that if your plan is too tight and you’re not willing to stray from it there are opportunities that you can miss out on and she wants to be open to as many opportunities as possible. She’s focused yet flexible.
She’s totally about the moment, as well as the long term
The reason this woman is so hard to pin is because she knows what she wants in a partner and it is just complex as her but different. She tries her best to live in the moment and for as long as her body will allow her she is going to continue to travel and crave the experience of something new, frightening and wonderful. She understands that while time is continuous, for her, forever doesn’t exist; only this life does. She’s not here to waste her time or yours. She’s here to make the most of it.
She doesn’t need you but she wants you
And when she wants you, she is going to want all of you and she’s going to want you to come along. The challenge will be in finding the balance. It’s not that she’s selfish, she just knows what awaits those who venture out into the world and she wants to share it with the people she cares about most. The best (or worst) part about it is you will experience each other like never before, and it will be challenging but that is what she lives for, the challenge.
Life is about ups and downs; she’s trying to make the most of it
Everyone has different priorities wants and desires; this is what makes the world go round. A top priority of hers will always be travel, whether it be near or far. She wants to experience the many joyous things that life has to offer. She has felt sadness and loneliness on a completely different level especially if she has traveled alone. She understands that these feelings and at times pain are what make her grow. You can’t have ecstasy without depression and you can’t have light without dark. She knows this and will actively seek both, directly or indirectly.
She just wants to be free
Hell yeah she does. But last time I checked free and having a partner aren’t mutually exclusive. What she is on the lookout for is someone who supports and expands her freedom, someone who pushes her. Someone who challenges her and makes her grow, all the while hoping she is returning the favor. She’s not looking to fall in love, she’s looking to rise in it.
*My Full Reply to Elite’s Daily original article:
This article hits home and strikes nerves at the same time. I can definitely relate to some of the characteristics that this so-called “untamable woman” has. I am a traveler, I don’t like when people try to control me and I am always doing my own thing (friends and family can attest to that). I don’t agree that this article describes a “psycho” that’s not only extreme, but also lacks in creativity and truth. I also don’t like the description of untamable, but that is nit-picking and not the point. While I know these women exist they are a small percent and alienate the rest of us who love to travel, explore, go on adventures, are independent but are also dependable, caring and a blast to be around. I think it is also impossible to fit this type of woman, who is clearly modern day, into the traditional idea of marriage from the 50s. This is unrealistic and obviously would not happen. . I think a better way to have approached this article is not saying what won’t work for us as “untamable women”, but instead taking the responsibility to re-frame the idea and tradition of marriage to fit the untamable women. This would make the article noteworthy, relevant, and thought- provoking. I would love to read your thoughts on the type of marriage that would work for us independent, bad-ass, sassy chicks.